Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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