OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
