yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
