We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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