I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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