rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
