i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
