So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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