are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
