ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
