As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
