You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
