Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you would pick up someone in the library
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
