How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
