How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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