This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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