"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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