McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
