my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
