Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize