Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
