I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
3 2 1 whiskey
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
