Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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