He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
