Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
