I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize