Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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