this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
