You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
