That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize