Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
