I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
