Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You dont lie about slip and slides
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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