Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
