If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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