i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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