ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
