He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
