I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
