It's like God shit irony all over that family
zippers are such a cool invention
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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