Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
