i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
