I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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