She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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