Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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