you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
