I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's the barista slut.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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