i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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