Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
