If i come over, it means nothing
I think my vagina is haunted
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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