Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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