Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
