I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
