found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
