my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Randomize
