definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
