I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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